Hopelessness

definition: having no expectation of good or success, despair, feeling hopeless and alone.

Suicide is selfish for only thinking of self, it focuses on the past. Highlights the mistakes made. The regrets. The what ifs of life. Compares ours now with others around us. It makes us think it’s the easy way out. It's the way we try to put an end to a life lived in agony, despair, shame, and guilt. It plays with our minds and makes them seem that is the only way. The pain we carry is so heavy, it has taken our will to live. We are tired of trying. Over and over we enter the hamster wheel to end up in the same place. How do we get here? We ask, over and over. We rationalize the lies we had believed. “It will be better without me, one less problem for the family. Life for them will be better if I am out of the way”. Those were the words I heard that night, as I looked into the mirror and I saw death looking right back at me. Whispering to take the blade and cut my veins. Shame had robbed me, addiction had me bound. I didn't have the strength. I had tried to stop many times. Moved away, but in reality, all I had done was changed my zip code. Little did I know, I was full of hurt, abandonment, and unforgiveness. That night I was saved by my daughter knocking down the door from the bathroom. I do remember taking the blade and going directly to my veins, but I don't remember anything else. To find out years later, The Lord had an angel holding my hand. I was selfish. I was just thinking of myself. I was hopeless. I was lost. This is the 1st time I share this deep personal experience hope it helps someone else. You are not alone. You have a community to help you just reach out. In your agony cry out for HELP to the one that could hear you and heal you. “In my distress, I called to the Lord, and He answered me. From the depths of my grave, I called for help and you listened to my cry”. Jonah 2:2 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Ivette 6/19/23

The Year Our World Changed.

The year our world changed. Christ.Over.Virus & Infection.Disease Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous Do not be frightened, And do not be dismayed For the Lord your God is With you whenever you go” This was the first off many scriptures the Lord gave me when this pandemic started. I was taken out off work 3/20/2020. I was in the process of writing “My personal walk to Gethsemane,coming face to face with self and life in this current world.” Preparation for Passover. Everything around me was changing. The words that where coming out off the news; Pandemic-an outbreaks affecting an exceptional high proportion of the population Lockdown- people must stay where they are Isolation- separated from others. Well plan strategically, powerful and effective. That my opinion off it. Little by little I whiteness how our states were closing down to prevent the spread off it. I asked the Lord what I am do to. Saturated your self with my word. Anchor yourself to the scriptures. Saturated-holding as much water or moisture as can be, absorb; throughly, soaked. God has been preparing his people for a long time. It is writing on Amos 3:7 “The Lord God will do nothing without reveling his secrets to his servants the prophets”. He has been talking. But we had been too busy, distracted, overwhelmed, tired, to even pay attention. Until now. I walked outside and I came face to face with panic, fear, greed. People running around over buying groceries. C’mmm to run out off paper toilet. Hundreds of people at the supermarkets, I came in to buy some chicken am I find this little old lady confused because she need it a whole chicken in order to make her soups. Scare, alone...talking to herself. I said to her, you be fine sometimes we had to learn different ways to make the same thing, took my time to explain how she could still make her soups without the whole chicken. For one second her fears left her. I walked away knowing in my heart; The world the way we knew it’s never coming back. But Jesus Chris is. Hopefully we had learn, prepared and able to recognize the trick of the enemy. We ought to be vigilant and ready. For we are living very darks days. let this be a lesson for all of us to learn. Ivette Diaz-Yee March 2020